"No way to delay, that troubles coming everyday"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!piwrrwippgrpirgripiwghrgwifgiafghafh'hf''fa'!!!;HHGF'AFHHB'FA'FAH!!

god I havnt caught a break in 2...3 weeks? it seemed only a short time ago I had nothing but opportunity and what promised to be a positive future...now? nothing. everything sucks. worse than that, all this shit seems to be like a cold, not allowing me to feel good, yet not so bad to be deblitating, rather it subtly clings to me and haunts me always. Frankly, I wish I were really unhappy or perhaps really ahppy, anything than these emotional doldrums, day after day of unremarkable nothingness and indifference. And with this deppresion, domino effect of negativity takes place, effectivley acting as a numbed hand slammed in a drawer repeatedly, more pain, inevitable, acknolledged, but delayed. I mean what the fuck do I have to look forward to? The crucible? wtf. graduation? eh, seems like a humid sticky event on top of a parking structure.
The only thing I have to look forward to is my trip with sam and thats months away, and god fucking damnit, who knows if thatll evcen happen, the best laid plans go awry.
(how can I doubt somthing Ive planned for for so long? I tell you! its infectious!)

Wtf! everyday I promise my self that today will be the day I'll shake all this off, all this dissapointment lethargy, but everyday my forced optimism is ineffective and just makes me look like some sort of asshole.

Fucking shit.
Love and support at home
Mother: You can't drink those! you owe me! those are for water polo! how dare you drink those!
Sister: Relax mom! geez, its not like im daniel
Dad: shhh
Me: wait what, what does it mean to be "not like daniel"?
Dad; enough Daniel, you've made your point



so now Im a euphemism for all things negative around my house? and my worried father asks: " are you alright?" yeah dad, Im fucking fine.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

Why is anything normal or simple!!

Even when Im happy and everything is going great, the good things are difficult to decipher. Damnit.


AHHHHHHH@@@@@llllalklakfej;LWKF;ALDNF;FNA/MN

Forensics is this weekend!! which is great, except, Ive got a super busy weekend, so that makes things tough and I hope I can get enough sleep to have enough energy to get everything done.


JL said my brodcast today was the best Ive done yet and he smiled during a few of my transitions, so that makes me really happy.

I REALLY want to hang out with all my friends this weekend, because alt of you will be going away to Disney world (LAME!) so i really want to catch up before you all take off.

Ive got a fucking APLIt essay to revise, a Social Psych paper to write and maybe a room to clean.

Damnit tommorows going to be long, especially the Crucible. I would be okay with practice, but I have to watch ALL OF ACT ONE AND IM ONLY IN THE FIRST SCENE!!! WTF??????

Anna Nicole Smith is dead, but that dosnt really effect me much and Im sure more influential people die each day.



Ah!! Do you ever think about all your friends and you get excited and you want to scream yu likr them all so much! AHHH! I like all my friends so much!!! you guys are great! HOORAY!! AHHH!


Ive got to go.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucQ@piheafj'afje'pIeafjoqwehf[DH~~~~

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm counting the days until i can rid of my petty, old, obnoxious parents!!!


Today my mom and I got in a fight because when i was cleaning up some food i made, the container of basil I put in the spice drawr didnt fit and I didnt notice. Standing in fornt of the spice drawer, she demanded I come form the couch to where she was standing, so shecould watch me rearrange A SINGLE CONTAINER OF BASIL!!!!

I said no. and she flipped. WTF is her problem? Is a single container of spice that bog of deal? she demanded i clean up and I cleane dup TONS of stuff and wiped down the table paiudfghPEFH;efjfhwaepiou!!

I posted a huge paragraph about crucilbe stuff and then after a few hours and a weird midnight nap...I erased it, thinkin git unwise to have what could be misinterpreted posted on the internet in distinguishable, identifiable and incriminating print.

well, in other news. I really like all my friends. today, during creative writing "observation time" i went into a pracitce room and hung out with adam and eric and it was so fun! And dwelling on this, I really began to think about all my friendships and I feel like I could write pages and pages about all the subltle things about all of you that I like you all so much. Thanks guys for being there, and for those of you in the play, Im only in act one scene one, so as eric pointed out, we'll have losts of fun playing bomb and laughing and giggling and making funny jokes. I really think people are jealous of how funny and cool and smart andd good looking and talented we are. I like to pretend we're really exclusive and exclude and mock those we dont like( a sinful pleasure), but then I remember that one of our most redeeming factors is that we;re not a bunch of assholes.


This entry was CRAZY!!!! partially because I dont want to do my math homework and Ive been putting it off for HOURS!!!


WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT FRIDAY!!!!????? Pre- Honk extravaganzq!! (we'r e having a post honk extravaganza for pauls bday (not at max and ermas) and everbodies invited to hang out an dlaugh and giggle and with any luck. CHECK OUT THE DREAM MACHINE!!! ( Adam and I are going to try and build it friday afternoon)


Seeeya guys!


Daniel

I think we should all get together either Saturday night or sunday morning. And i mean everybody. For some sort of group emotional orgy of frustration that is sencond semester senior year. I started this week so well. And how i ended this terribly I dont even know.

And the worst part is, it isnt terrible. Terrible is a car crash or a severed limb.

This is the sort of terrible where you're forever trapped in a limbo of things you have to do,but put off, and things you know are coming, but are so disgusted you will not accept their inevitabilty.

I wish I wasnt so numb right now. But thats all I can feel. I have to much I could do to perfect my life. (the paradoxal perfection that can never be reached) and Im to lazy and apathetic to put forth any effort.

When will somthing happen to me? I need a stinging change. I need somthing to bite me in the ass and make me excited for the morning, because frankly, the 1st hour challenge of math analysis, the 2nd hour duldrum of EnviSci and the WTF of APLIT just arnt enough.

Im sick of my life, my definition of existence, being that of school and extracuricular activities. These triffles (thanks crime and punishment) are just so boring.

Maybe I'll get drafted or somthing d . Or perhaps my plane will crash on a mysterious island that is full of secrets and home to giant polar bears and mythical smoke monsters that haunt the graves of Nigerian drug smugglers disguised as clergy men.

Maybe ill get a haircut

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Daniel

AHHH!

You think you've got life figured out and then, like a child trying to get coinsfrom a sealed piggy bank, everything gets turned upside down and shaken up.

So I have so many questions to ask myself and so much to think about all the time, its just driving me crazy.

Ive been fighting a cold for the last two weeks and having this cold has made me realize that if I ever got AIDs or cancer theres no way I could fight it. This cold, mere discomfort at most, makes me completely and totally depressed. All i tihnk about is how it limits me and how it makes me unable to do all the things id like to be able to do. So if a cough andd sneeze can bum me this much, what would a serious illness do?
The problem with being sick is all i want to do is attack it and fight it. But I say this literally. I wish my cold were a big pile of dirt that needed to be shoveled, or heavy stones that needed to be moved, that way, I could buckle down and beat it. The waiting is what drives me up the wall.

Ive spent the last week sort of checked out of life.

My new schedule absolutely sucks and I spend most oof the day waiting for the day to end. All my classes seem so boring and pointless, and having math first hour is a huge bummer.

Crucible auditions.......well Mr. Rutherford was all pissed that I didnt wear that stupid vest during honk and when i told him why he was all in my face asking me "why do you always argue with me? why wont you just say yes and do it?" So, now im not sure i could spend 2 months with him and his attitude, that of a giant spoiled baby who demands more and more chocolate and throws fits when he dosnt get what he wants. The thing is, so many people have told me they dont want to try out, why cant we unify and all say fuck it? Id love that. but oh well... I guess i regret not taking my chance to get out of the cut when he gave me the option during joseph.


Girls- what the fuck girls? why do you make me so crazy? why are you all so pretty? Ive discovered that Dan and I have more in common than I thought when we compare our notes on girls. At least i know im not the only one. But i mean honestly, I were gay, this just wouldnt be a problem. But I guess its a good problem to have.

My parents- I cant wait to get out of my house, my parents are driving me insane

Forensics- So it goes sex, food and water, forensics. Thats my top 3. I obsessed with our kick ass multiples and the fact that theyre so idependent. I think its so great that you all can take credit for your own sucess and not have to pay homage to 'the man that made it all possible" Broadcasting is also the best, all i want to do is practice.

All the rest of that shit.

My head feels numb and inflated from my cold and it seems really appropriate, because thats how im looking out at life, everything seems dull and slow and fat and trivial. I lost exciting sci fi for obnoxious creative wiritng, familiar photo for insane TV productions and stable APLIT, to a new form of APLIT that scares me.


All in all I just need to take a long nap, wake up not sick and not so cynical. Things could be alot worse. I could live in Africa.

i cant beleive how much I hate this week of school. Its crunch tiome and I have to pull so much shit together, like reading 150 pages of mrs. dalloway or pulling a photo project out of my ass, and dont even get me started on math, i fucking hate math.

lets just get to finals week, so we can have along, and nearly homewrok freek 3 day weekend,...oh. and fordfest, and even though im in limited prep, i still havnt broadcasted a speech yet, and im getting about a billion different bits of instruction and aadvice that all seem to contradict, yet end int he conclusion " youll just sort of figure it out" unfortunatley for me, we have like, 3 tournaments this year, so that sucks.... wtf captains?

also, i really miss my shoe

who stole my shoe?

Holidays at my house have been getting really really sucky. Right now, Katie is seeing Spamalot with her friends, Stephanieis hanging out, and Im cleaning the basemen, for the 2nd day in a row.

I wouldnt mind cleaning hte basement except,
A. My nose is getting all stuffy from the dust and cleaning stuff
B. My dad is bitching aqt me, while all my sibilings are doing is hanging out.



Im so sick of this! AHHH! I want this shit to be over.

Also, I think my mom took my MSU information off the tablle and \put it in some random place in my room or threw it out. Oh, and by the way, this is all my fault, even if shes the one that took it. whereever it was, it shouldnt have been there and shes not to blame at all.

So thats fuckign christmas, and I still dont have my fucking phone so I cant communicate with anyone, but, hey, Im the bad one in the family, its all my fault. Judge your character and worth off the cleanliness of your bedroom and you passion for organization.

I cant wait for:

Seeing my friends this break
Broadcasting in forensics
NewYork/Boston/Montreal this summer
MSU this fall


AHHH! WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!! No snow, no christmas cheer,no cell phone, absolutely nothing.