| 'I ain't got nothing but the blues" |
[Mar. 28th, 2007|12:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  shitty | ] |
god I havnt caught a break in 2...3 weeks? it seemed only a short time ago I had nothing but opportunity and what promised to be a positive future...now? nothing. everything sucks. worse than that, all this shit seems to be like a cold, not allowing me to feel good, yet not so bad to be deblitating, rather it subtly clings to me and haunts me always. Frankly, I wish I were really unhappy or perhaps really ahppy, anything than these emotional doldrums, day after day of unremarkable nothingness and indifference. And with this deppresion, domino effect of negativity takes place, effectivley acting as a numbed hand slammed in a drawer repeatedly, more pain, inevitable, acknolledged, but delayed. I mean what the fuck do I have to look forward to? The crucible? wtf. graduation? eh, seems like a humid sticky event on top of a parking structure.
The only thing I have to look forward to is my trip with sam and thats months away, and god fucking damnit, who knows if thatll evcen happen, the best laid plans go awry.
(how can I doubt somthing Ive planned for for so long? I tell you! its infectious!)
Wtf! everyday I promise my self that today will be the day I'll shake all this off, all this dissapointment lethargy, but everyday my forced optimism is ineffective and just makes me look like some sort of asshole.
Fucking shit.
Love and support at home
Mother: You can't drink those! you owe me! those are for water polo! how dare you drink those!
Sister: Relax mom! geez, its not like im daniel
Dad: shhh
Me: wait what, what does it mean to be "not like daniel"?
Dad; enough Daniel, you've made your point
so now Im a euphemism for all things negative around my house? and my worried father asks: " are you alright?" yeah dad, Im fucking fine. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|09:18 pm] |
AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Why is anything normal or simple!!
Even when Im happy and everything is going great, the good things are difficult to decipher. Damnit.
AHHHHHHH@@@@@llllalklakfej;LWKF;ALDNF;FNA/MN
Forensics is this weekend!! which is great, except, Ive got a super busy weekend, so that makes things tough and I hope I can get enough sleep to have enough energy to get everything done.
JL said my brodcast today was the best Ive done yet and he smiled during a few of my transitions, so that makes me really happy.
I REALLY want to hang out with all my friends this weekend, because alt of you will be going away to Disney world (LAME!) so i really want to catch up before you all take off.
Ive got a fucking APLIt essay to revise, a Social Psych paper to write and maybe a room to clean.
Damnit tommorows going to be long, especially the Crucible. I would be okay with practice, but I have to watch ALL OF ACT ONE AND IM ONLY IN THE FIRST SCENE!!! WTF??????
Anna Nicole Smith is dead, but that dosnt really effect me much and Im sure more influential people die each day.
Ah!! Do you ever think about all your friends and you get excited and you want to scream yu likr them all so much! AHHH! I like all my friends so much!!! you guys are great! HOORAY!! AHHH!
Ive got to go.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucQ@piheafj'afje'pIeafjoqwehf[DH~~~~ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|07:45 pm] |
AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm counting the days until i can rid of my petty, old, obnoxious parents!!!
Today my mom and I got in a fight because when i was cleaning up some food i made, the container of basil I put in the spice drawr didnt fit and I didnt notice. Standing in fornt of the spice drawer, she demanded I come form the couch to where she was standing, so shecould watch me rearrange A SINGLE CONTAINER OF BASIL!!!!
I said no. and she flipped. WTF is her problem? Is a single container of spice that bog of deal? she demanded i clean up and I cleane dup TONS of stuff and wiped down the table paiudfghPEFH;efjfhwaepiou!! |
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| ABAZABA BARS!! ( I want one0 Im so fat!!! I havnt exercise once this week!!!!!!! |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|11:24 pm] |
I posted a huge paragraph about crucilbe stuff and then after a few hours and a weird midnight nap...I erased it, thinkin git unwise to have what could be misinterpreted posted on the internet in distinguishable, identifiable and incriminating print.
well, in other news. I really like all my friends. today, during creative writing "observation time" i went into a pracitce room and hung out with adam and eric and it was so fun! And dwelling on this, I really began to think about all my friendships and I feel like I could write pages and pages about all the subltle things about all of you that I like you all so much. Thanks guys for being there, and for those of you in the play, Im only in act one scene one, so as eric pointed out, we'll have losts of fun playing bomb and laughing and giggling and making funny jokes. I really think people are jealous of how funny and cool and smart andd good looking and talented we are. I like to pretend we're really exclusive and exclude and mock those we dont like( a sinful pleasure), but then I remember that one of our most redeeming factors is that we;re not a bunch of assholes.
This entry was CRAZY!!!! partially because I dont want to do my math homework and Ive been putting it off for HOURS!!!
WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT FRIDAY!!!!????? Pre- Honk extravaganzq!! (we'r e having a post honk extravaganza for pauls bday (not at max and ermas) and everbodies invited to hang out an dlaugh and giggle and with any luck. CHECK OUT THE DREAM MACHINE!!! ( Adam and I are going to try and build it friday afternoon)
Seeeya guys!
Daniel |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2007|12:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
I think we should all get together either Saturday night or sunday morning. And i mean everybody. For some sort of group emotional orgy of frustration that is sencond semester senior year. I started this week so well. And how i ended this terribly I dont even know.
And the worst part is, it isnt terrible. Terrible is a car crash or a severed limb.
This is the sort of terrible where you're forever trapped in a limbo of things you have to do,but put off, and things you know are coming, but are so disgusted you will not accept their inevitabilty.
I wish I wasnt so numb right now. But thats all I can feel. I have to much I could do to perfect my life. (the paradoxal perfection that can never be reached) and Im to lazy and apathetic to put forth any effort.
When will somthing happen to me? I need a stinging change. I need somthing to bite me in the ass and make me excited for the morning, because frankly, the 1st hour challenge of math analysis, the 2nd hour duldrum of EnviSci and the WTF of APLIT just arnt enough.
Im sick of my life, my definition of existence, being that of school and extracuricular activities. These triffles (thanks crime and punishment) are just so boring.
Maybe I'll get drafted or somthing d . Or perhaps my plane will crash on a mysterious island that is full of secrets and home to giant polar bears and mythical smoke monsters that haunt the graves of Nigerian drug smugglers disguised as clergy men.
Maybe ill get a haircut
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Daniel |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|11:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
AHHH!
You think you've got life figured out and then, like a child trying to get coinsfrom a sealed piggy bank, everything gets turned upside down and shaken up.
So I have so many questions to ask myself and so much to think about all the time, its just driving me crazy.
Ive been fighting a cold for the last two weeks and having this cold has made me realize that if I ever got AIDs or cancer theres no way I could fight it. This cold, mere discomfort at most, makes me completely and totally depressed. All i tihnk about is how it limits me and how it makes me unable to do all the things id like to be able to do. So if a cough andd sneeze can bum me this much, what would a serious illness do?
The problem with being sick is all i want to do is attack it and fight it. But I say this literally. I wish my cold were a big pile of dirt that needed to be shoveled, or heavy stones that needed to be moved, that way, I could buckle down and beat it. The waiting is what drives me up the wall.
Ive spent the last week sort of checked out of life.
My new schedule absolutely sucks and I spend most oof the day waiting for the day to end. All my classes seem so boring and pointless, and having math first hour is a huge bummer.
Crucible auditions.......well Mr. Rutherford was all pissed that I didnt wear that stupid vest during honk and when i told him why he was all in my face asking me "why do you always argue with me? why wont you just say yes and do it?" So, now im not sure i could spend 2 months with him and his attitude, that of a giant spoiled baby who demands more and more chocolate and throws fits when he dosnt get what he wants. The thing is, so many people have told me they dont want to try out, why cant we unify and all say fuck it? Id love that. but oh well... I guess i regret not taking my chance to get out of the cut when he gave me the option during joseph.
Girls- what the fuck girls? why do you make me so crazy? why are you all so pretty? Ive discovered that Dan and I have more in common than I thought when we compare our notes on girls. At least i know im not the only one. But i mean honestly, I were gay, this just wouldnt be a problem. But I guess its a good problem to have.
My parents- I cant wait to get out of my house, my parents are driving me insane
Forensics- So it goes sex, food and water, forensics. Thats my top 3. I obsessed with our kick ass multiples and the fact that theyre so idependent. I think its so great that you all can take credit for your own sucess and not have to pay homage to 'the man that made it all possible" Broadcasting is also the best, all i want to do is practice.
All the rest of that shit.
My head feels numb and inflated from my cold and it seems really appropriate, because thats how im looking out at life, everything seems dull and slow and fat and trivial. I lost exciting sci fi for obnoxious creative wiritng, familiar photo for insane TV productions and stable APLIT, to a new form of APLIT that scares me.
All in all I just need to take a long nap, wake up not sick and not so cynical. Things could be alot worse. I could live in Africa. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|09:33 pm] |
i cant beleive how much I hate this week of school. Its crunch tiome and I have to pull so much shit together, like reading 150 pages of mrs. dalloway or pulling a photo project out of my ass, and dont even get me started on math, i fucking hate math.
lets just get to finals week, so we can have along, and nearly homewrok freek 3 day weekend,...oh. and fordfest, and even though im in limited prep, i still havnt broadcasted a speech yet, and im getting about a billion different bits of instruction and aadvice that all seem to contradict, yet end int he conclusion " youll just sort of figure it out" unfortunatley for me, we have like, 3 tournaments this year, so that sucks.... wtf captains?
also, i really miss my shoe |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
Holidays at my house have been getting really really sucky. Right now, Katie is seeing Spamalot with her friends, Stephanieis hanging out, and Im cleaning the basemen, for the 2nd day in a row.
I wouldnt mind cleaning hte basement except,
A. My nose is getting all stuffy from the dust and cleaning stuff
B. My dad is bitching aqt me, while all my sibilings are doing is hanging out.
Im so sick of this! AHHH! I want this shit to be over.
Also, I think my mom took my MSU information off the tablle and \put it in some random place in my room or threw it out. Oh, and by the way, this is all my fault, even if shes the one that took it. whereever it was, it shouldnt have been there and shes not to blame at all.
So thats fuckign christmas, and I still dont have my fucking phone so I cant communicate with anyone, but, hey, Im the bad one in the family, its all my fault. Judge your character and worth off the cleanliness of your bedroom and you passion for organization.
I cant wait for:
Seeing my friends this break
Broadcasting in forensics
NewYork/Boston/Montreal this summer
MSU this fall
AHHH! WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!! No snow, no christmas cheer,no cell phone, absolutely nothing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|01:24 pm] |
Yesterday was a really weird.
I had LOTS of fun at the forensics tournament. Especially because I got paid to do fun work and the good lunch got sandwiches to do not fun work. aha.
One of the highlights of the trip was going to jellystone aprk, which really was a concrete slab at the side of a free way exit behind some commercial storage units.
LAst night was really weird. First we went to courtneys and tat was really ferstive, and then to spencers, and that was [pretty crazy, it was just really..I dotn know.
I had more to say, but I forgot, so i guess ill update later |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2006|06:21 pm] |
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My mom is the fucking loudest person ever. Every time shes int he kitchen she clinmks everything she can, every dish must strike another, every pot must be rattled, every bad crinkled every door slammed, or left to fall shut with a heavy thud. And I kid you not when I say that her favorite time to go through this clumsy and obnoxiously loud routine is when you are watching a movie or taking a nap on the ocouch. It also dosnt help tagt she wears high heels anfd stamps and scuffs wherever she goes. This drives me insane, she makes not egffort to quell any of the noise. I am by no means graceful or quite, but I set things down, I dont drop thgem, and I dont fucking clink everythiong. I cantr wait tog et out of this fucking house! If you doubt my mother is loud, even the slightest doubt, just wait around and here her sneeze, its like a thunder clap mixed with vaccuming and crying children. I fucking hate math, but If i csan get through highschool, I can go to college and leave this horrible obnoxious and forever unrelenting cirus parade of pots and pans |
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| Fuck |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|01:34 am] |
At ITS this weekend I talked to a bunch of kids who went to a performing arts school in Warren and I got really jealous. They spend 2 hours a day on school stuff (what..12 minutes of math?) and the rest of the day working on acting, singing, dancing, set design, costume design, tech work and all that stuff.
This has rekindled my idealistic notions towards education and made me even more excitred for college.
Its 12:10, I havn't started my Tess paper. Fuck.
Anyways I feel that If i was given free reign onver my own education, I would not only learn more, but I would enjoy what I was doing. While I like the fact thats chool forces me to read books like the Odessey that I would never otherwise have read, WTF is with math?
To make a more logical and experience based point:
Back in middle school when school was really a big joke (before a drivers liscense and the unrelenting, yet mysteriously unprovoked notion to want to kiss girls all the time)I read books all the time. I was always reading, and I don't mean shit. I read real books by important and acclaimed authors and was a hell of a lot smarter than I am right now. What happened? Stupid distractions and stupid classes like math and environmental science.
I think that in order for america to get back on top in education we need to look at european education systems (where children are focused towrds career/degree related education at a younger age) and make our schools less about, teach students alittle about alot of mostly usless garbage, and nstead, allow students to lean alot about what they are passionate for and what they naturally excel at.
To put this simply, to sum it up, and to really make things clear:
-Fuck Math
-I dont really want to write my tess essay.
On a different note. Im taking a coffee break, and by this I mean I wont be...drinking any for awhile and if i do, i will only do so under specific circumstances..that was all inneudo
Also, Remember when I hung out with clare, jordan and shannonfor basically the entire ITS festival? How'd that happen? ( I also will no longer refer to anyone as "the good lunch" or by any toher overreaching label, we are all individuals)
so fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck, I got a good in play writing, who saw that coming?, I guess I deserved it, it makes me want to revise my play,
and I cant wait to get out of the house and see my friends tommorow, sundays are lonely.
heres a math equation:
Daniel's bank account - 200.00+ dollars = Daniel will be working every weekend and being extremely frugal, hooray for hommade and 2nd hand Christmas gifts!
List of thigns to do:
-Kick the coffee
- read more books
-kiss more girls
- do my laundry
-write my tess paper
-see my firends I havnt seen in awhile
-accept that HONK is our musical
-convince myself that trying out for the crucible is more important than money
- get a 2nd job that is better that is hopefully better than making pizzas a papa ramanos
- Earn and save 1000.00 dollars for Sam and Dans escape to New York summer time excursion of contrived self-fullfilling sponataneous adventures
-fill out my pass port application
-forgive India
wouldn't India be a neat first name? I thought about naming my son Poland, and maybe my daughter Minnoe (Minnow), but then I realized taht I would rather call them Krithika and Adithyan |
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| long time, no see lj |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|09:26 pm] |
HOORAY FOR:
1. Clare Cooney= hooray for clare fucking cooney, evertyhing else on the list is in random order, but clare is certainly number one on this list, clare's shout out made me feel really good and happy and secure and delightd, and lots of other positive adjectives
2. Spencer Ashby- Spencer, you don t read LJ, but thanks for showing me so many sweet things, and taking badass cigarette pictures
3. Girls- thankyou for not being gross like boysm your so much better to look at, good work
4. Dithu Fucking Rajarman- class president, jark war chief, forensic legend, and band stick waver, yes, all these things are great, but goddamnit, your a deovted, caring friend who i can talk to and relate to when i need it most (yes Sam Molnar, you're slacking). Dithu im so glad your my friend, and so proud that you thinkl enough of me, to tell me what you honestly thinl about me
5. Sam Molnar- sure, he abandons me for U of M sex goodies, but he's fuckign tight as hell
6. MAx Niestein- fgod fucking damnit, my rock, my safe haven island away from theatre and forensic bull crap, always there when i need him, and if i wake up, drugged, naked and beaten by chechen spies in the middle of a cornfield, i'll call him to pick me up
7. scary people from detroit- you havn't robbed me yet, thankyou for letting me not be suspsious or stupid
8. TAB- sweet as hell
9. Me designing costumes- shit bitch, i'm tight as hell, rutherford and the entire honk cast just dsnt know or appreciate this
10. Rachel Sussman- you let me mess with your ice tea when i really wnated to, thanks
11. Siobahn Olreary- a provider
12. Paul Weingarden- he's fucking paulw weingarden for christs sake, we play foot stomp
13. Dan Agosta- ironically number 13, though he should be up for sainthood, what a perfect human being, shit bithc, and im taking about his character, not his abs
14. Nick VAn Huis- he's a better Pharoah than I could have ever been, lets face it
15. Jessie fucking Kendall- shit bitch this bitch is so friendly and awesome, she makes my life easier
16. GOOD LUNCH- yes, i sterottype you as hypyer chrisitan girl scouits who drive five under, but fuck, maybe that somthing to be proiud of? and fuck, you guys are SO funny! how long have you all beem so funny? and its not like im laughing AT you, your jokes are clever and witty! hooray (my bag lunches always kinda sucked anyhow)p.s you goodness also scares the shit out of me because it puts my "badness" (irresponsibility) into a shocking perspective
17. Molly SHannon, last time i mentioned you on LJ it was badm but ciongrats for winning money and the hat you wore when crossing the street today ws funny (SHIT! that ryhmed! who's the poet now, eh?)
18. Forensics- im so excited
I have a million billion more hoorays, but a time limit has forced me to move onto the
"fuck" list
1. FSS shows..there i fuckinbg said it. fuck fss shows. I am so bitter about not being a director, that I get a stomach ache any time rutherford talks about it. fuck FSS, i could have been a sweet director and if you wish to contest that with some"well daniel your blah blah blah", well then fuck you to, because you dont even know wtf your talking baout, and dont even pretend you do
2. Indian import companies- i can add and subtract so much better than ytou, and i will not let you scam me
3. FACEBOOK- its like herion, an addiction so strong, it is destroying my other interent blogging activites
4. my inability to ficus on school
5.fuck kyles inability to find cheap and tatsy food. it was expensive and gross, btw, i have 9 dollars for you
6. fuck lots of shit, but im still hyped on hoorays
________________________________________________
Ladies and gentlmen of my life. My heart aches when i think of he magnitude of love I have for all of you, and chances are, if your reading this, i project this love towards you. because you are all such amazing people and i only hope and pray taht i could be half the people that all of you are. each one of you surpasses me in the ability to be kind, thoughtful, intelligent, and compassionate. I look up to and respect so many of you and I wish you all knew that. Thank you for being my friends.
hooray
Daniel |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|08:55 am] |
we need to start making plans this weekend, so our nights can be efficent on thurday and friday when they have been cut short by Joseph and the amazing chourus that never moves. Zing! (that zing was meant ironically) Anyways, lets forumlate some plans. I think Chicken n' Ribs in combonation with midnight Borat release is a godd idea!
rubblr rubbler rubblr,
fuck tis shit mothafucka I's gots to go organize my math binder!
pchow
Daniel
import package on itss waaaayy!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|08:08 pm] |
fuck that blonde haired announcer lady on fox sports coverageof the world series shes so obnoxious and she just abbles about stupid shit like rain drops and her birthday. ahhh!!! so obnoxious,so ugly so uh
im so tired, i took a nap and now im just exhausted. uh.
anyways i had alot to right, i wanted to say positive things, but im so tired and sort of, well you know...cranky, so i'd just end up making a "fuck: " list again.
fuckyou fucking assholes you now who you fucking are....
gah! ill update again later
LETS GO TIGERS!!!!!!
Daniel |
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| GOD DAMN THE PUSHER |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fucking of montreal, fucking wont get out of my head | ] |
fuck all that shit mothafucka
fuck:
The post office (yes my loyalty has finally faded)
Import/Export bureaucracy and restriction
bureaucracy in general
North Korea
Social Restiction
those assholes at school (you now the ones im talking about)
a certain someone who shall not be named but is seriously fucking with black grnaite
math
math homework
my course catalog
sesame chocolate bar
money
laundry
cleaning my room
college applications (finally finished,..excpet Wayne, but whatevs)
Ms. Hurley
That creepy parking lot guy
stupid rules
The PO-lice
tardies
time(the man made entity, not the publication)
CNN
my inhibition
The world series (im excited, dont get me wrong, but its fuckign with my puppet theatre)
genetically altered produce
ineffective govenors
unqualfied gubinatorial candidates
manufacturing industry
lack of third party candidates
giving money away
Black Granite( until he gives me my two dollars back!!!!!!)
Paul Weingardens's taste in music
APLIT
APLIT poem paper
poems
all that shit
math
what do you say fuck to? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|10:21 pm] |
Do ever feel a heart warmed with the prospect or memory of love?
I am currentally not on speaking terms with my parents, my roooms a mess and my academic career is a shoe0string shamble of indifference and papthy. Yet I am so pleased, so fulfilled.
Homecoming 06 was incrdible, I had so much fun. The dance wasn't really that fun, until the final four songs before we left. For some reason that just seemed to make it worth while and pull it all together.
PAying 10 bucks for 3 slices of pizza sucked.
My firends are so awesome!
us bnoys (JARKS!!) need to get our senior ad together! we should meet up this week.
finishing college apps today! hurrrah!!
no sign of the shoes my mom confiscated, still wearing the ones with no tread that make me slide around on slick surfaces.
Girls are so pretty, what is it about that? I thank god that he created some sort of injection of feminine euphoria to counterbalance bumbling masculinity.
g2g sam molnar called
Daniel |
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| THEM! |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|07:16 am] |
So whatch you doin friday night? |
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